Often in a relationship, preferably marriage, the preliminary stages are all rosy, you both feel like you have succeeded that milestone in your life. Congratulations!!!!

However, this is the beginning of a journey that you have both signed up for (your vows if I must say).

In your vows, I am sure that you both have agreed to serve one another and play your ultimate part as that ideal husband, or that ideal wife.

You know, like a job interview, you have sold yourself as a top-spec candidate for the role and I think you already know you are not able to fulfil that role to the standard you have portrayed to the employer. So, to simplify that. We all know that we aren’t going to be that ultimate spouse at times in a marriage, though you have wooed that partner to the point you have convinced them that you are that perfect candidate in their life.

So fast forward from the dating, late-night phone calls, gifts, engagement, wedding bells, honeymoon, and now residing in the same household. Maybe also having children or a child on the way. Could not get any better right??

Now, let us look into the light of a typical married household:

Usually, the wife is the maintainer of the household and the husband is the breadwinner, or as you would say, ‘provider’.

Husband works his eight, or even twelve-hour shifts from four to six days during the week and it seems like a hard graft for him to bring home a reasonably stable income to maintain the household. This is something which needs to be appreciated. Imagine, he gets home, has had a hard day, maybe has been getting aggro from customers, other employees, management, or his job maybe very physically and mentally demanding!!! I’m pretty sure many men who are reading this can relate.

Now, on the subject of men relating to this. I have a question……..

 

…..Can you relate to your wife?

If the answer is yes, then you are claiming that you can identify with the duties your wife attends to on a daily basis.

Now, imagine your wife is a ‘stay at home’ mother of 4 of your children; 1 toddler, a pre-schooler, a primary educated child, and one in their early teens. Every time you are home from work, you can smell the delicious food, even before you get through the door of your home, your wife greets you at the door, takes your jacket, then goes to run you a nice hot shower whilst you greet the children, who are looking well and healthy (still being children as they are, maybe running around having fun, screaming, arguing, etc).

You have your house garments already laid out on the bed, ready for when you leave the shower.

She then goes down to the kitchen to get food prepared and ready for when you come down to eat at the table where she will be waiting with all the children.

You see that the house is fresh, clean, organised and welcoming.

After you have all eaten, she clears the table, gets the dishes prepared to wash up whist you go and unwind – you know, it’s been a long day at work and you want to just chill, maybe have a beer or a stiff drink just to knock the edge off.

Your wife then goes to put the youngest 2 to bed and has the 2 eldest go to deal with homework (if they have any), or to just be excused and have their own time. She then goes to wash the dishes, makes sure the kitchen is clean, then she goes to freshen up before attending to your wanted company at this time. She may give you a head, foot or shoulder massage, ask you about your day whilst doing so, then maybe this will escalate to the bedroom.

You now feel like that was a great way to end your day with such an intimate lullaby before sleeping like a baby.

You are awoken in the morning to the smell of something delicious frying in the pan. Your clothes for work are laid out ready for you. You can hear your wife prompting the 2 elder children to make sure they got their stuff ready for school.

You take your shower, get changed and go to start your day with a coffee and an amazing fried breakfast.

Once finished, your wife hands you your lunch. You then leave for work and that’s the last time you see your wife until you walk back through the door in the evening.

Your wife now gets the toddler ready, ensures the pre-schooler is ready as well as the primary, as she needs to drop them to school. She drops the eldest to the bus stop to get the school bus to high school.

On her way back, with just the toddler only, she goes to the supermarket to pick up some essential items, whilst thinking about what she could cook this evening. She then goes to grab additional ingredients for that particular meal if needed.

She returns home and entertains the toddler for a while, singing educational songs with them, reading animal, number and alphabet books with them and maybe allow them to watch a few cartoons or play with toys.

The toddler is usually having a nap after having lunch, which now becomes the perfect window of opportunity to get some housework done and start to prepare the evening meal ready to start cooking after she has done the school run.

Toddler wakes up from their nap. Your wife now attends to your little toddy whilst getting ready to pick up the other children from school.

 

Once she grabs the children and brings them home, she sends them up to get out of their school clothes and to get cleaned up. She assists those who need to be assisted or prompted, takes their worn clothes and puts them to wash.

She starts to put the food to cook, she is attending and dealing with the children’s demands and requests simultaneously.

Whilst the food is slow cooking or simmering, she goes upstairs to now preparing herself for your arrival. She has done her best to ensure that she has timed everything to perfection.

She hears your car pull up, or she is aware of the time you usually get home so she is practically ready, told the children you should be home in any moment now, and she is anticipating the moment you walk through the door.

 

Now Mr Husband…Can you really relate?

Because you are the one who predominately, or ultimately supplies the household income, would that now make you the sole provider of the household? Does not your wife provide? Does she not work also, how long are her shifts compared to yours? When are her breaks in between her duties?

When she is having your food and clothes prepared, house and children maintained, and you are satisfied consistently, do you consider her graft also? From post marriage to post-natal, she has become a full-time wife, a full-time mother, a full-time cleaner, a full-time caterer, a full-time shopper, a full-time accountant, a full-time personal assistant, a full-time laundrette and maybe a full-time administrator – this list may not be complete!

Husbands, now…. When you start to consider all the roles your wife undertakes, and in her agenda is to also to make sure your requirements are met, alongside all of those above duties she attends to on a daily basis, Then do you just say ‘Thank you’ ??

Now imagine you have a day off work. You want to have time to yourself, whether it be with the family (excellent choice) or with some of your friends, or just in solitude, just remember that your wife is still on shift.

Have you ever wondered when her day off is, or that time for her to unwind, that time to acknowledge her own needs, to reflect on life in general, to receive a pampering, a time in solitude, read one of her favourite books, watch a movie she would love to watch again, or a movie on her ‘watch later’ list?

Let’s go well beyond that ‘thank you’ and show your gratitude beyond words.

Give her that day off that she did not expect. You now attend to her needs on this day, As she is about to get up in the morning, you hold on to her and say “Baby, chill” and go to do the breakfast, attend to the children. What would be better is having it ready before she is even awake. Make her a coffee and see if you remember how she likes it from the time you guys were dating, (you may have to take your butt down to Starbucks if you haven’t made a coffee for a long time)

You do the school run; your wife is going to not know where to put herself. But you have already planned out the day for her. You booked her in for a spa day which you arranged with her best friend and a nail appointment. The housework is all yours today, including the garden, and you are going to be an amazing chef. Luckily, you will not be cooking for the children because they are staying with grandma this evening after school.

So, let us hope you remember her favourite dish, and you have her favourite playlist or a selection of songs that remind you both of the times when you first were dating.

Candles won’t be just at the table, they will be strategically placed around the house, up the stairs, in the bathroom and bedroom.

You will be anticipating her return in the evening when her friend drops her home. Her friend would have text you when they are on their way. Wife is unaware of what she is in for. She is coming home to a clean house, the smell of her favourite dish, a hot bath is waiting for her, You are washed, ready and looking smart, ready to greet her at the door, and going to carry her straight upstairs to the bathroom. Now whilst she is relaxing, you are doing the final preparations at the table, with some music playing low in the background.

 

She comes downstairs wearing a dress which you have bought her. You should know here taste and size by now so that shouldn’t be an issue to accomplish. And even if you didn’t, you can always check one of her labels on her other dresses in the wardrobe.

When she comes to the table, you re-greet her and be that traditional gentleman, pulling her seat from under the table and sit her down.

Whilst she is trying to take all of this in, you serve the food, you pour the glasses of wine, and ask her how her day was. She will be in awe of this treatment, probably a bit disorientated, but happy to explain. You allow her stomach to settle before offering dessert. During this time you will be telling your wife how much you appreciate her for the things she does for the family, and this may not be the greatest reward but you just wanted to show her rather than to just speak gratitude. You then take her out of her seat after dessert has settled, and slow dance to the well thought out playlist, which brings back sweet memories. Pretty much now this whole day you have dedicated to your wife has been a very successful and prolonged foreplay. It’s pretty much inevitable how this evening is going to end.

These small things go a long way to learn about your wife. Because she usually is attending to you; she manages to exercise your preferences daily, so it should not be an issue for you to return the favour now and again. Not just with giving money to her to go on a shopping spree because that is an effortless gesture as opposed to going out of your way to consider your wife’s preferences. When she sees that you can also attend to her, then she will not forget that she is appreciated and honoured.